Lot 2312

Chicken

2012-01-24T21:43:00.004+08:00

Dude, I asked you for permission of posting those photos online, and what I get from you is "I don't mind, you're the one who will be said not me as I'm in KL."
Do you know how hurt is that?

I shouldn't have asked you but just kept them inside my memory card silently.

Or I won't know you actually don't care about my feelings when I'm disturbed.

Sometimes I may be laughing over the matter but I care about what people said.

Yeah, I'm over-sensitive. I am a chicken who doesn't dare to keep things open.

A Letter

2012-01-18T16:53:00.005+08:00

Dear Sharon,
Today is the eighteenth day of 2012. I know, I should have written to you earlier so that it won't be so alang-alang. Anyway. First of all, happy Form 4?
So you've heard many teachers said Form 4 it's never a honeymoon year, eh? Well, what they said is right, Form four is no longer a-piece-of-cake matter, you have a lot of things to master, yet you have such limited time for everything. You ought to pay a lot of effort as you're aiming high. Although you have a big dream, you will be nothing if you do nothing to achieve it.

So dear Sharon, you should:
1. study hard and study smart
2. always remember to stay away from laziness;
3. try your very best, after that go with the flow;
4. not afraid your limitations will cause you to lose; let healthy competition motivates you

From now on, you should also start spending time with your friends. I know you don't believe in BFF, and you hardly put effort on sustaining a friendship too. You think that friends come snd friends go, as it happens to you all the time. For friendship, you believe in fate. But remember, Sharon, everything needs effort, so as friendship. You don't need to be everyone's best friend or whatsoever, just keep in touch with some close friends, that's all. One shouldn't weep and heal his wound alone. And that's what friends are for, being there for you. Appreciate them, as they had brought you happiness, given you supports and solved your problem. Since you are now separated with some of your friends, why don't you give yourself a try. After all, if it doesn't turn out to be fine, do not feel defeated. As long as you've done your part, leave the rest to the fate.

Lastly, co-curriculum matter. Even though sometimes the meeting do not turn out well, you still have wait and observe for a moment. You have the responsibility on your shoulder. You can't just escape like that and leave the club with a broken pile of mess. Didn't you hate those irresponsible person who escaped and ruined your whole plan last time? On the other hand, no doubt, debate is an really tempting experience, a great chance for you to sharpen your communication and presentation skills. You can go ahead for that. Winning or losing, just grab the chance.

“Better it is to dare mighty things, and to live a life chequered by failure that to live in that perpetual twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” -Teddy Roosevelt

Last but not least, stay positive.

FTW Sharon! All the best to you :)

Lots of love,
Sharon

Story of Elevens

2011-11-12T00:06:00.012+08:00

11.11.11. The day comes around once every 100 years.

There are thousands around the world planning something special on this unique day. Wedding gathering or whatever sorts of memorable activities.

Today seemed nothing special to her, except for she cried a lot, along the way home from school, and under her blanket.

She never have felt this depressed before.

She never expect she would be crying this badly, she thought she will be okay.

Still, her rationale couldn't defeat the voice deep down telling her "Today is the last day".
___

He was right in front of my eyes, reading his History reference book with a blue highlighter on his left hand.

This was the second time they were being so close. They hardly talked, just watching each other, smiling, then continue with their activities. And again. But this was more than enough. They didn't need words, their eyes told everything.

She couldn't help herself to stop looking at him, and so as he. It's like, they were this close, as if today was a dream.

She was with her bestie listening to music. And she wasn't sure, if it was because of the melody which was too melancholic, suddenly, a tidal wave of emotion came over her.

Why is time passing so quickly? I'm not fully prepared yet.

She wanted to cry, but she didn't want to show that in public. So she pretended to sleep on her arms.

Soon, it was time to go home. She quickly left with a goodbye and a smile. Thank to my glasses, she thought, you didn't see what was in my eyes.

Before she left school, he ran towards her.

"Hey!"

"Hey..."

"This is for you," He handed her a redemption coupon. "I can't use it anyway, so... ya, I think you need it more than I do."

"Thank you." For the coupon and for coming to me.

Finally she screwed up her courage to ask him for taking a picture with him. She had been longing for this chance.

Kachak!

For the first time they took picture together. Perhaps the last as well?

"So... goodbye?"

"Bye!" He smiled brightly. She loved his smile. But right at the moment she just wanted to turn away. She could feel the lacrima desperately wanted to come out.

They waved goodbye to each other. Right after she stepped out of the gate she totally broke down. The flashbacks drove her crazy.

She looked up, the sky is so blue. She remembered that she gave him a bookmark, written "Wherever we go, we are always under the same sky."

It's so hard, it's so hard
Where we are, where we are
You're so far, this long distance is killing me

I'll miss you.
She whispered.

Even if she was breaking down, she wouldn't show you.
She says she's fine but what she's feeling, you have no clue.

No regret :)

2011-11-04T22:37:00.004+08:00

当~~可敬的~~教长决定废除以英语作为数理科的教学媒介时，慧媚问我，会不会后悔读预备班。当时有点讶异，因为这个问题我从来没有想过。

当时报读预备班的时候也没有太多的犹豫。我是真的真的真的很担心我的国语，和妈妈也有共识，所以就报名了。那时候帮我们登记的学姐反应很大。

*flashback*

“阿姨你真的要让她读transition咩?”
妈妈笑，点头。

“你确定要读transition?”
我莫名，点头。

“很可惜咧，你成绩酱好。”

OMGGGG 你就帮我写下去啦 -____-

从以前被问问到现在，都麻木掉，答案也是同一个版本没有变过。只是，变得比较介意被人问到年龄..... 咳咳咳!! 不是我怕认老啊，小女我不知道多么诚实的咧~ 不忍心虚报年龄，结果我就变成CD player, 重复了，又重复，又重复（乘以N）。

Alibebeh -.-

不过老实说，也没有什么好后悔的。预备班没有什么不好，虽然比别人慢了一年，我也学到了很多。除了四科必读科目，历史地理数学科学也都有学到一些些(那年也玩得很疯，shhh...)。再说，如果当时没有读预备班，忽的转来古晋读中二我可能会更加的不适应。我也可能会被分到奇奇怪怪的班级.... 到了中三又换班，又得重新适应班上的竞争，同时又要准备评估考。也可能说，我没有机会认识我的朋友，接触一些从来没有体验过的新事物。可能少了这一年，我的生活会是另外一种面貌。

然而这又如何？再多的也可能都是不可能的。

反正，除了废除以英语为数理科的媒介这一项比较让人捶心肝以外，其他的，其实无可挑剔。

Joanne说96年的很衰，每次都是第一批教育白老鼠。我不能体会当初96年的这一批是如何接受并应付那突如其来的科英和数英，所以... *耸肩*

可能废除PPSMI是老天爷给我的一个考验。这条路是我选的，既然如今考验降临，我有什么理由不坦然接受呢?因为一个始料未及的变化而后悔埋怨，多啦A梦不会听见然后从漫画格跳出来送你时光机，教育政策也不会因为你碎碎念而又更动。咬牙勇敢面对，将来也是为了自己好。乐观以对，生活更顺遂~

我拒绝做草莓族，并相信熬过了这些天，就会是一个艳阳天 :D

嗯... 本来要写假期生活的，结果跑题了 :P

2011-11-01T19:33:00.007+08:00

很奇怪。

考完试后，除了偶尔往学校跑，我比较常待在家。外出时，不是和家人，就是自己一个人逛书店。倒是这个放假，明明空闲的很，我却很少约朋友出游（其实连聊天也没有）。没有特殊理由，纯粹没有那种想要联络朋友的冲动。

想想，可能自己还没有尽情去玩的念头，补习的考试今天早上刚过，目前眼前还有一个舞蹈考试。可能之后如果有什么好看的电影，或者好玩的event，我会约他们一起出来 :)

啊，《那些年》，快快出来吧~~~

这个假期，书变成了我的朋友。在家里，我什么书都看。小说、报纸、Reader's Digest、中四参考书 (这个可能有点离谱，但用它们来打发时间挺不错的)。

说到中四，2012年的数理科教学媒介还真是不了了之。这个课题的版本种类繁多，让人晕头转向。
版本1：明年起用马来语作为数理科的教学媒介。
版本2：明年开始双语教学（即英语和国语并用）。
版本3：明年开始用马来语，但是目前使用英语媒介的学级没有更变，继续使用英语。

还有掺来掺去的版本，总之，没有一个确凿的消息。

前几天某报刊登数理科继续采用英语教学，举国学子欢腾。岂料昨天电台又播报政府决定废除前者，恢复6年前的国语教学。不过就这么一句，就只有这么一句。

换掉国际语言以马来语取代也就算了，不过说换就换，却没把东西交代清楚，搞得谣言满天飞，让我们学子的希望反复的，在重燃以后又化灰烬，还想让大家最后什么心理准备也没有就匆匆上了中四吗？

有劳，不要专注于派糖果运动，我不嗜甜。我只求一个跟教学媒介改革有关的详尽报道，as soon as possible，sekian terima kasih :)

I sounded agressive :/
Oh well, let it be. Bluek!

My Biggest Fear

2011-10-28T23:19:00.003+08:00

My biggest fear...

is not this

not this either

but the day you leave

Hello, friend?

2011-10-16T09:58:00.003+08:00

我不相信友谊永固，不代表我不重视友情。

她是我转校后第一个好朋友。她活泼开朗，是个人见人爱的乐天派。她感染了我，继而改变了我的生活。

地球依然持续自转着，而变化，也从来没停止过。是因为距离？还是本身的问题？还是其实什么都没有，使我自己多心了呢？

仿佛，无话不聊仿佛已成为历史。相遇时，在热情的打招呼以后就什么也没了。对于自己的木讷很是懊恼。怎么面对她，我竟然不知道要说些什么？

跑去问了好几个朋友该怎么做才好，每个都给我不一样的答案。

“有时候太常黏在一起也会腻的，这是正常现象。”诒的回答。
“不妨坦白些，问她会不会觉得你们之间除了什么问题，然后一起找答案。”尤湄的建议。我鼠胆不敢试。
“传简讯给她，简单地问候一句‘嘿，最近好不好？’。” 嗯... 试过了，也尝试找话题聊了，可是她的回复都很保留。

什么时候开始，她再也不像以往那么快乐，明明一脸心事重重却倔强地什么也不肯说，只强颜笑着说“我很好”。

耀叫我试着给她一些空间，不要让关心成为她的负担。可我很久，很久，很久没有和她说话了。

之前好几个朋友对我说，我朋友太多了，要找我聊天的时候我总是在别人身边。她，是不是也这么觉得？可她不是一个寂寞的人，身边不法知心朋友。嗯... 猜不透。

其实我看着她抱怨自己胖的时候心里多么懊恼，她明明一点都不胖；其实我第一次，也是唯一一次为友情吃醋是因为她。因为自己没有办法劝得动她吃东西，而别人可以。

这一篇的内容跳来跳去的，请见谅。我也不晓得该如何整理这些混乱的字句，还有我混乱的心。

其实，我依然很重视她这个朋友。

I don't expect friendship forever. Though, I don't treat friendship as nothing either.

When I first transferred, I met this girl who changed my entire life. She is (or was) a happy-go-lucky person. She's adorable, cheerful, and everyone likes her. She is someone whom I known as best friend.

We used to be really close. But as time goes by, things changed. We're no longer so close as we used to be. We don't talk to each other that often and worse comes to worse it seems we have nothing to talk about.

I asked my friends what I should do and these are the answers I got:
1. "It sometimes happens to me and one of my close friend too, nevermind la, this usually happens among friends so get used to it." Hmm... okay?
2. "What about trying to approach her and to her about the problem among both of you?" Gawd, this is so awkwardly awkward ._.
3. "Text her, and ask her how is life." Well I did, but the way she replies is unlike last time. It's like, she's so far far away. Indescribable.

And I realised, nowadays she is not as cheerful as before. Instead, she looks upset. And yet she always keeps a smile and say "I'm okay, I'm just tired."

A friend told me to give her space, telling me she needs privacy sometimes, and over-concerned will make her feel uneasy. Well I understand, but we haven't been talking for quite a long time.

Iseriouslydon'tknowhowandwhyandhowandwhaiii ._____.

Some friends said I have too many friends, and it's hard to spend time with me sometimes because I'm usually unavailable. Will she have the same opinion too? But she is not a lonely person either, she's outgoing and she has friends everywhere.

Honestly I feel really ugh when she complained that she's fat and carrying on her diet. For goodness sake, darling, you're not fat at all! There was once, which is the first time ever, I felt a bit jealous to friendship matters, that's when she had gastric but still refused to eat. ~~I was a bit sad because she didn't want to listen to me to eat something but to someone else after that.~~

Sorry for this unorganized post. My mind is confused, I've no idea how to rearrange my words.

I have to admit, that she's important to me.

OLAH I'm Back :D

2011-09-16T07:08:00.004+08:00

是的是的，我又回来了。
抱歉了本来想说从此以后能够定时更新的，然而.....
我没有电脑呀 D:
话说小女我假期时无意间把姐姐的电脑踢当机了，她要回西马前来不及送去维修，所以她挥一挥衣袖，带走了我的电脑。
也不晓得我是不是真的和电器相克，在那之后我又弄坏了家里的DVD机 -.-
现在我注定要在PMR之后做原始人了...

回到石器时代~~

所以不便之处敬请见谅~ :3

前几天我父母不在家，我打开了厨房后门自己准备晚餐。这时，我家的那只过动儿在外头不晓得在追什么。很快的我知道了答案，在一只老鼠跑进厨房之后。
哦我的羊，它、很、大、只!!
忽的，它钻进了某个地方，不出来了。我试图把它弄出来，却不见效。
当时心里想着，怎么办？就放着它不管吗？。_____。我故作镇定继续煮面，那个过动儿贴着门栏吵个不停。想必是捉不到他不甘心吧~
我煮了多久，它就吵了多久。“你该不会想捉老鼠吧...?”

我放它进屋。它在置物堆里，东嗅嗅，西嗅嗅，似乎不把那老鼠掀出来就不死心。
嗯嗯，永不放弃的精神，值得嘉许~

最后那只大老鼠终于被它找出来了~ 呼...*抹汗*

我在电话中和老妈报告此事，她“哈????”的老不大声，差点震破我的耳膜。

哎呀，虚惊一场~ :/

Thank You :)

2011-08-20T10:57:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was the end of Gerak Gempur II, however, I don't feel relieved at all. I'm worried about my result, seriously.

I know it is useless to worry about it anymore once the exam sheets were handed in. I should have work harder and manage my time properly. I should have been more mature.

Firstly I failed my BM Paper 1, worst result ever;
for English literature 3 points are needed, I only wrote 2, or they might combine them into one;
and I'm disappointed with my Chinese.

For a few times I almost broke down. I wanted to call my friends but I know they're having the same worries as well.
And I thought of you.

For a few times I was kinda ~~desperate~~ to listen to your voice, but a voice in my heart stopped me with the following reasons:
1. I shall not rely on you too much.
2. I shall not distract you from your study anymore.
3. I'm not your somebody.

I told myself, it's not like I will die if I did not do so, right? That works sometimes. But this time, my eyes are lubricated once again. I dislike that :(

Anyway, my phone rang when I was half awake. Within a short moment you cleared the grey clouds in my heart. After hanging up the phone my feelings were all out, then I felt much better.

Thanks for the call.
:D

By the way, why you always don't want to hang up the phone first?

诗歌朗诵@The so-called peotry reading

2011-08-18T22:24:00.012+08:00

很不仁慈的，我再度离我的部落格远去。忙碌是部分的理由，真的，这个七月我忙到乱，恨不得自己有三头六臂，能来个多重影分身那就妙上加妙~~

最近忙什么？看下去便自有分晓；)

--忙碌的季节 Part 1 [诗歌朗诵]--
7月19号是我和Belle、Melvin一同出征比赛的日子。那一整个早上我没由来的感到兴奋，总好过紧张是吧~ 今年的诗歌朗诵比赛在MBKS Auditorium举行。当天早上先是高中组开始比赛，我们的比赛在10时许开场，编号7。

我们上台，掌声响起。黄色的聚光打在我们身上，从台下我们看见了一层又一层，黑压压的人头。深深的鞠躬，退一步。全场肃静。尔后，表演开始。

Melvin和Belle当时是怎么想我就不知道，我个人觉得站在舞台上朗诵的感觉很奇妙。这一天，不像我们平日在学校的“巡回演出”。台下，没有低头窃笑的身影，没有哈哈哈的笑声，大家全神贯注的聆听，一字一句。自己不需硬着头皮忽视人们的嘲笑，也不必勉强自己像对牛弹琴似的与他人做眼神交流。

表演之后，我们三个如释负重。突然觉得，胜负其实也没那么重要了。我们当时的表现真的不错，过了，尽力了，那就好了。

参赛学校获得礼篮一份，而最后我校校队包下了初中和高中组的季军。每人荣获奖牌一个，意料之外还有现金奖好拿。真是不亦乐乎呀我~ 哦赫赫~~~

因为不甘心奖杯只有一个而且必须留给学校，那份礼篮最后也给我们~~私吞平分~~了。
我们要奖杯啊啊啊啊~ *捶心肝* D；

Dear Bloggie, forgive me for ditching you for sooooo long (again) :3 Sorry i can't promise anything as I'm really busy recently. Things gonna drive me nuts! How I wish I have shadow replication technique so my schedule will be less packed and I have more time to study~~

To whom it may concern, well the following "ketam" is a part of what I've been through lately. Enjoy reading, teehee :)

::Busy Buzzy Bumble Bee Part 1 @ The So-called Poetry Reading::
On 19th July we had our competition in MBKS Auditorium. In the morning I became excited for somehow. Aik this is much better than getting nervous I guess~ While waiting for junior high's round the senior high begins their competition first. We were the lucky 7 among the teams =D

We went up the stage as the applause broke out. There are a lot of people down there. We bowed, moved a step back, and silence hovered among us. We started performing.

I didn't know what were in the mind of Melvin and Anabelle, for me myself, I found it cool when I was performing on the stage. Unlike what we usually did in school, as in performing in many different classes, over here, nobody laughed at us or made all those funny actions. I didn't need to force myself o ignore those distractions either. It was much more easier, because I could concentrate more on my tone and my expressions.

After all we felt relieved! And we realised that whether we win or vice versa, that doesnt matter
anymore, we already tried our best and made much effort on it during those days.

Anyway~ We were the 2nd runner up and so as our senior high representative *PEACE* Hampers are awarded to all the participating schools, while each of the winner received a medal. Out of the blue, we have cash award as well! *Cha-ching* Weeheehee~~~~ :D

BUT! There is always a but... There's only ONE trophy and we have to give it to school! Sobs.. We want the trophy lar! D;

In the end, with dissatisfaction ~~we divided the food hamper among ourselves.~~
Bluek!

To Be Continued...

完美主义，是祸还是福?

2011-07-17T16:49:00.006+08:00

后天就要展现练习成果了，可是我完全没有把握...
刚刚练习的时候，那些该表达出来的感觉全都跑不见了。声音，嗯，咬字清晰力度十足；动作，嗯，还算一致。
败就败在我们的情感表达...
队友有事，没办法继续练习，只能匆忙练过两三次就散会。我还以为今天可以把全部东西补回来。
本来想明天大概练过就行了，不过按照如今的情况显示，不行，还得练。

团队练习，最需要的就是时间；最忌讳的，就是没时间。偏偏有时候，彼此的时间配合不到，就这样白白地让上课之的那段黄金时间溜掉了。我相信时间是可以创造的。欣慰的事，大家愿意牺牲下课休息的20分钟，一起排练。积少成多，我们的一天一点渐渐地的累积出成果。赛事将近，我们也不得不缺课练习。

我的原则是这样，要做，就要发挥到满点；更何况，我们是做得到的。

我能如此肯定，因为我们的确做到了，曾经。
但在那次之后的几次的表现，也就是最近这几天，总让我觉得 alang-alang 的，就像上高音的时候，就差那半个音调上不去。就这样一直停滞不前，再也达不到那个点...

我一直在想，要怎样把当时的感觉找回来？每每想到这里，我的思绪就会飘到以前，和舒诒紫铃一起练诗歌朗诵的时候。
那时候... 那时候... 感觉上我们都是乱来的。记得当时大家很努力地把表情神韵做得很夸张，很莫名的我们成了比赛的第二名。（想想也许是当初竞争力没那么强吧）

只剩下最后一天，我还有很多，很多东西要跟他们讲。
我想要和大家找回那个点，我希望我们能够达到那个点!
我没有妄想过冠军，我只想要尽善尽美。有时会因此认为，自己的执著近乎病态。“尽力而为”之类的话我听了也不怎么进得去。

就剩下明天了......

~Too Perfectionist?~
The day after tomorrow we're going to stand on the stage and perform; yet, I have no confidence in our presentation... While we were practising in Belle's house just now, I realised that our voice, movement were alright, but not our expression. We were unable to continue our practice as one our teammate has some matter to deal with, so we only can practise for two three times.

I actually wanted to have light practice tomorrow, but seems that our situation now wouldn't allow us to do so.

Way before the competition we had been squeezing out some time just for the practice. Every recess, and sometimes during lessons. Transport problem caused us have no choice but to give up on the hours before lesson starts and also weekends.

If I want to do something, I'll manage to make it. Moreover, we're almost there, yes, we're almost there! We actually had reached that point. However, it's only once, and after that we can't manage to find the feeling again. We're stuck now...

That's why I persist to reach that point, because I know we can. We did it once!

What should I do? How should I tell them, in order to find the feeling back again?

Yes, I want perfection, though I know nothing is perfect. I understand we won't necessarily be the champion. Well, teachers also told us that we only have to put our best effort on our stage performance. Still, to be honest I don't think doing one's best is enough, I hope everyone of us is in full gear. I want us to reach that point once again! I really hope we can reach that!

And tomorrow will be the last day...

If you listen closely

2011-07-09T17:37:00.002+08:00

Take every single chance you get to be with her, trust me, it'll mean a lot to her.

Sometimes I don't feel secure, I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip...

2011-07-06T11:51:00.003+08:00

惭愧矣，自己活到这么大了却不懂得安慰别人。朋友的问题，我是听进去了，也明白了，可我就真的给不出什么有建设性的安慰话语。这种窘境总令我觉得自己不是一个很好的朋友...

话说，坏情绪最近也很容易pop up，仿佛我的脑袋中了病毒似的。反反复复，我以为自己终于想通了，没想到这些负面思绪这么黏人，挥之不去。

怎么，开始和酸溜溜的滋味有了交集？

怎么，开心之后会有股莫名的无力？

怎么，有些感觉，来去匆匆之后还是来去匆匆？那让我很不安...

日子就是这样，一边开心的度日，一边累积，累积到满点再释放。偶尔会有一丝悔意，呵，谁叫世事难料，时光倒流只能作为漫画情节。

但感觉像流水，dicencang tidak akan putus，不能像切蛋糕那样一刀两断，利落了结。

*拍脸*

我必须站起来，生活中还有很多事情要做!!

这个，就暂时撇一边吧~

I don't know what I shall do when my friends are upset. I feel that my words don't really help them a lot, nor cheering them up. I feel so suckish.

Mood swing is irritating. After all my struggles I thought I'll be all fine, dang the situation now proves me wrong.

Why would I get jealous?

Why would I have the inexplicable depression even though I'm happy?

Why do I feel that the feeling is as if touch-and-go, it appears but soon it fades away. I'm scared...

I do feel regret sometimes, but I understand future is unpredictable we cannot turn back time. The only way is to live on. Feelings are the hardest thing to overcome, it' is impossible to say "okay I'm gonna over Kiki-Lala" today and the next day when you wake up you feel nothing at all towards Kiki-Lala anymore.

Sometimes I don't feel secure, I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip...

Nah, I've got to buck up! There are so many things for me to be done in life!

Maybe I should leave this aside and look at the bright side :)

Oh My Holiday

2011-05-28T13:18:00.007+08:00

OMG My holiday's schedule is packed O.O Summer school and practices has filled up half of my holiday. After the timetable is out I have too scrap off the outings.
Jojou said we're going to sacrificed our holidays for dance, which is so true T____T Dancing is fun, but it is not fun when you forgot the steps on the next day and either got scolded or even be disqualified for the coming performance in June. I want to perform laaa hehehhee~ :3 Gonna do my best *HAH!*

Finally I'm going to have midterm break for ITS!! But still, I'm gonna miss you Miss Geraldine~ As I only have two more weeks left to be taught by you. In July I will be transferred to 3rd mile branch='( SOLLIE teacher but I have to make some changes so that I'm able to attend my BM tuition on Saturdays.

During the holiday I'm going to read tonnes of novel =D
During the holiday I have to do my KH revision -____-
I've to melaksanakan tanggungjawab anak at home also. So I guess outings will be hard for me anyway. Daddy is super busy and my bro has to work, don't feel like troubling them anymore other than letting them fetching me to practice and tuition.

Sorry to those who have been declined by me for movies >< VERY VERY SORRYYY!!!

Last but not least,
HAPPY HOLIDAY PEEPS!!!

小插曲

2011-05-27T10:21:00.009+08:00

今天去学校练诗歌朗诵。一切顺利 ;D

和大家分享一下练习开始前的小插曲~

早上本来想顺便把小说交给Amanda，和她约好七点多在学校见面。哪里知道早上5点起身一次，再睡个回笼觉醒来之后6：40分，结果是我又迟到了-_____-
她打给我，我一直跟她赔不是，然后她妈妈说去我家那好了，顺便载我去学校... 去学校之前又被她妈妈请了一顿早餐，我要付钱她又说不需要，哎哟喂呀还真不好意思的说~~ 谢谢谢谢谢谢!!!

吃饭的时候，Amanda妈妈跟我谈起关于信仰的话题。她说，信仰就是我们的最终目标，即使路途中我们稍偏离了轨道，我们的目标还是会把我们引回正途。我也觉得，心灵上有一个寄托是好的，人家也常说，有宗教信仰的小孩不容易学坏。

然后又聊到我们应该释怀。
阿姨说，失败了不要太过自责，应该去接受结果，并问问自己，我们是否尽了力，如果是，就宽恕自己。我们可以自我检讨，用失败鞭笞自己向上，但不能钻牛角尖，抱着“我这么努力了为什么还是得到这种结果”之类的想法。

嗯嗯，听阿姨一席话，胜读十年书也~

释怀，宽恕。我是不是应该也把它运用在某些事情上?
我可以宽恕，但释怀... 是不是代表重新相信?
那样的话难度好高。

~Life Titbits~
I went to school today for a competition practice. Was going to meet Amanda over there at 7 something to give her the novels as well. My first alarm rang at 5am, I woke up, sleep again, and then OMGOSH I HAD OVERSLEPT! When I wake up it's already 6:40! Yes I was late at the end, eeesh -_____-

So Amanda's mom said they went to my house then 顺便 fetch me to school (by the way how to say that word in English, anyone?). She chia me kolomee for breakfast some more~ Awww thankiiiu so much aunty!!!

We talked about religion while eating. Aunty said religion is like a goal for us, and through god we're leaded to the right path. I agree with that, people also say that those who keep their religion to themselves won't do something bad.

We also talked about that we should let go of the past.
Aunty said, if we fail, we shouldn't blame ourselves, accept the result instead. At least we had try our very best, so just forgive ourselves and accept the failure. As regret won't help, we should find a way to turn a failure into motivation.

Let go, it makes me think of to forgive and forget.
In THAT case, I would like to forgive. Hmm to forget... Meaning to say I've to forget the past and rebuild the trust?

That's really a hard task =/

P/s: Aunty you rock!!! *thumbs up* =D

From the corner of my eyes I've seen another you

2011-05-26T21:28:00.007+08:00

Meehhhh... I dislike the feeling when my rule is not respected while that one and only rule is very simple: I don't assist.
My friends, they all understand when I tell them, and they do respect that.

You've asked me and I turned it down. I've told you not only once, haven't I?
And guess what, you tried to help yourself with high scores by looking at my answer? You are one of my close friend and you seriously did that to me? What the fuji-apple O.O

Is it so hard for you to accept my prinsip until you have to curicuritengok? All and all, the "you" that I know is not this kind of person. I'm sorry you've successfully spoilt your own reputation.

Maybe I shouldn't expect every of my friends to respect my one and only principle as I'm not the king. I feel like I'm not being treated as a friend and I'm being used for your own benifit so now I've already lost trust on you.

I'm selfish, when it comes to filling answers on the exam sheets. If I offended you, I'm sorry.
If you ever read my blog before, you should have know that I'm hypersensitive, so yeah.

Well... Thank goodness, I don't put my 100% of trust on people =/

IHATEMOODSWING =(

2011-05-25T21:26:00.006+08:00

People,
If something really turns out to be bad, don't blame yourself, it will not be your fault.
If something really turns out to be bad, 99.9% is caused by foolishness and selfishness.

Sorry if I fill your brain with full of blurness, even I don't understand myself sometimes... I can be like... the moment before I was so happy jumping here and there, then the next second I start emo-ing. What the heck is wrong with me?!

sometimesicrywhenihavenegativethoughts,whenimisssomebodyandwhenimscared.
stupidwhatforyoutocryoveraguy.andbecauseofthisithoughtoflettinggoeverything
eventhoughtishardandtakestime(crapthisisreallyhard).peopleimsorryimreallyreallysorryyou
didntdoanythingwrongit'smewhokeeponthinkingsomethingnegative.peoplejusttoletyouknow
imsharonhoyiirohwhoisextreamlytroublesome.ifyouwanttoleavemeitisstillnottoolate.

Gahhh -.-
I hate myself being pessimistic, absolutely hate it. I miss myself being positive minded and smile without worries.

Life's To-do-list =D

2011-05-22T21:40:00.002+08:00

我要学会：
有要求的时候大声说；拒绝的时候勇敢拒绝。
干脆一点，爽快一点，狠一点~

Learning to speak up when I want something and be brave to turn down something which I'm not willing to do.
I want to be more straight-forward~ HII-YA!!!
P/s: No harm =P

I'm brave, and a lil' bit shy. I'm greedy fyi

2011-05-21T17:56:00.003+08:00

"Request can ruin a good relationship."
How true is it? I hope it is just so-and-so's point of view so I can not to take it seriously.

There is something I really wish for, yet, I'm scared to ask for it. I've told that person once, but I don't know if that person can understand my feeling.

If you walk out now
I don't know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me

Talk to Me by Ice Cream

I'm a greedy girl, I'm hard to be satisfied, so no matter how good rapport we actually have I would still like to have have a lil' bit change among us.

Hey, can you like.. talk to me? I understand this is hard for you, and I actually don't want to force you. But to be honest, when you're standing far far away from me and just smile at me when we actually have a chance to talk with each other, ~~ifeelsoheartbroken~~. I feel that you actually want to run away from me even though I already know you're just too shy to do something. You look cute when you're shy, just that your shyness kills me inside sometimes.

I'm such a hypersensitive person =/

That day I'm so happy as a lark when I managed to grab the chance to talk with you. I can't believe I actually did that. Guess it is that power that unlocked my bravery ;)

It hurts when thinking about this matter. I just hope sometimes I don't need to be the one who makes the first move...

I'm tired...

2011-05-19T22:28:00.007+08:00

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Now I know how fed up you guys are

2011-05-19T10:29:00.005+08:00

You guys have helped me out a lot, contributed so much to the club. Every time I feel sorry for troubling you people so much but you guys always said "it's alright" and smiled.
I know no matter how not satisfied you guys are towards the result, you guys won't tell me that. I know it's my fault for not talking about the matter with you guys earlier before. But luckily I heard your heart at last...

~~LettingForm1stakingovertheAJKpostsisseriouslynotagoodidea...~~

Ngeh.. Honestly speaking, the new committee board are sort of out of my expectation. I can't say too much here but it's really ~~unnfaaeeer~~. How if I bring this up to teacher huh? Will I get killed? =/

Will try do find a solution which won't hurt anyone's feeling.

Hmm... Dang you AGM =/

烂苹果?

2011-05-18T19:33:00.006+08:00

吃了午餐我就呆在食堂里复习，遇见了久违的昔日同窗，聊了一会儿。这小子，曾经是品行优良，上课用心听讲的学生，就不知怎么的，从某天开始他完全变了一个人似的，交了一班品行不怎么好的朋友，态度也完全变了。

聊着聊着，我们聊到了电子科技类的东西。赫赫，说实在的，我对这类东西一窍不通-.- 而他却能绕着这个话题侃侃而谈。关于电子科技，他懂得东西挺多的。真的，我甘拜下风...

虽然和他聊天的时间不长，我却学到了不少知识。之后，他的朋友来了，他也随着他们离开。

嗯嗯，谁说成绩不佳的学生就是烂苹果呢？我认为呀，也许他们对学习真的不在行，可是他们其实还是有可取之处的。只要不抽喝嫖赌，就不算太糟。虽然成不了学校考试的状元，成不了别人眼中那些伟大的职业，但也许，他们日后能够在其他领域发展呢？

小子，祝福你！

~ Rotten apples? ~
After having my lunch at the canteen I stayed there and did my BM revision. Then here comes my ex-classmate and we started talking about projects. I forgot how our subject was moved on to IT stuff at the end, anyway our conversation has something for me to think about.

This guy, he used to be very obedient, he paid full concentration during lessons and was very hardworking in the class and. I wonder what had happened to him, he had an enormous change one day, like Dr. Jekylle transformed into Mr. Hyde. But he wasn't that bad la, just that... he mixed with the guys who have some sort of disciplinary problems and his attitude all changed. How sad is that.

So we were talking about IT stuff. I found out that he really knows a lot. Maybe to others that's just some general IT knowledge. When he asked me what's my net-book's model I said Lenovo, then he asked me intel what I told him I never noticed. At the end he got kektiok-ed by me. LOL

It's nice talking to him, thank to him I've learnt something new today.

After he went away something popped up in my mind suddenly. People said students who are poor in studies are rotten apples. Who says students who doesn't have well academic performance is totally, ~~useless?~~ As long as they don't smoke they don't drink they don't fight with people or do crimes, they are not too terrible actually.

Bless you dude, may you have a bright future =)

向刘岩致敬

2011-05-17T14:10:00.007+08:00

她的舞蹈，带给人们的不单是精彩，是震撼。
在缓慢的音乐节拍，她有着属于自己的节奏。她的每一个舞步，每一个转，都充满着生命力。她看起来是多么的乐在其中。她，不是在跳舞，她是用身体说故事。看着她的舞蹈短片，我的情绪也随着她的舞蹈波动着。
如果我不知道她的故事，心里也不会承载着这份沉重......

刘岩，一名优秀的中国青年舞蹈家，双“文华奖”和“五个一工程奖”获得者，2008年奥运会开幕式中唯一独舞《丝路》的A角演员。曾经绚丽绽放的她，如今却再也走不上舞台。

在离2008奥运会开幕只有十天的时候，因为配合上的一秒之差，刘岩从三米高的跳台上坠下，当场昏厥。刘岩静静地躺在解放军306医院的病床上，胸椎以下高位截瘫。不到一秒衔接的误差，刘岩从一名即将登上奥运舞台的独舞演员变成了只能与轮椅为伴的残疾人。

她，对舞蹈充满热爱，为舞蹈付诸了多少心血。10年专业学舞、6年职业舞者，整整16年的积淀才把她带到了奥运这扇门前。原以为推开一个更广阔的舞台，谁知道却转向了完全不同的人生。08年7月27日那一摔，狠狠地将命运的指针砸向了另一个方向。

这个打击，实在太沉重了...

我昨天才知晓刘岩这舞蹈家，才知道她背后那令人心碎的故事。今天在Youtube可以见到好多她的舞蹈短片。当时我的心仿佛被千斤石压着，一个个link，看在眼里是多么的令人心痛。如果我是她，我可能已经泪水决堤了。

向这位美丽的舞蹈家，刘岩致敬。

~Irreversible injury crashed her dream~
Her dance is really overwhelming.

The tempo of melody is slow and and the tune is calm, yet, as if she had found her own tempo in the melody, her movement was sharp and smooth. To me, she is not performing a dance, she is telling a story through dance. Watching her dance video makes my emotion fluctuating with her movement.At the same time my heart feels heavy because of the story behind....

The woman in the video, Liu Yan, was supposed to give the performance of her life at the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics 2008. Considered China’s leading classical dancer, she had prepared a six-minute piece called “Silk Road,” which was to celebrate the rich cultural heritage along one of this country’s earliest trade routes.

But two weeks before the show, during a rehearsal at National Stadium in Beijing, she leapt toward a moving stage that malfunctioned, causing her to fall into a deep shaft and crash against a steel rod. Unconscious, she was taken to a military hospital, where doctors performed emergency surgery for six hours. Not long after, her family was told the terrible news: Ms. Liu had severely injured her vertebra and was paralyzed below the waist. It was unlikely that she would ever walk or dance again.

Although doctors thought she should stay in a wheelchair for life, she is now struggling to come to grips with the unimaginable while hoping beyond hope that some day she will walk and even dance again. Most days she goes through physical therapy, exercising her lower torso with stretches, hoping the lower part of her body will remember movement and somehow spring back to life.

At 10, she was good enough to win admission to the middle school affiliated with the prestigious Beijing Dance Academy. Her parents took turns taking long train rides to Beijing to be with her on weekends.

She was enrolled at the academy by 18, earning praise for her emotional interpretations in Chinese classical dance dramas. At 23 she took the nation’s top dance honor, the Lotus prize, for an original dance depicting the life of a poor girl who suffers the loss of her true love during the late Qing Dynasty.

Long before her selection as the only solo dance performer at the Olympics, videos of her were popular on YouTube. Choreographers praised her technique and fierce, even stubborn spirit. This woman, Liu Yan, is really craze for dance.

Well, Rome wasn't built in a day, it's not easy to have such brilliant achievements. I can understand how much effort she had paid for her dream, but malfunctioned stage crashed her lifelong dream just like that!!

It's so heartbreaking to think that a woman with such grace will never dance again...

Smile under all difficulties =D

2011-05-17T10:59:00.004+08:00

Peeps, I know I've been so emo and weird during the past few days. I can see that by my own. Even when I dance also not that bersemangat as I usually do. Hmmm...sharon are you okay?

But no worries, now I'm back again, the me that always want to think positively! =D Sorry if I actions had offended you guys.

Jay,
Fine I'll try to occupy my blog with tonnes of happiness instead of emoness. Though I am not going to update my blog as often as I used to be.

~~Facebookisdamnboring!~~ (No offence, Mark~)
Why in the world I got addicted to it last time? Oh ya I think I know why. Sheesh... That was a terrible mistake. Anyway forget about it. =)
Well, I have to admit that Facebook is a good application (wait do we call this application?) when you want to look for someone for emergencies, or a friend to chit-chat. And you can go stalking people's profile....uhm, ignore that -.-

I've regretted for spending so much time on Facebook, instead of doing something that matters for example getting myself some useful information.
Nowadays I ditched blogging, and only come back to it when I feel like throwing my anger or expressing my sadness. I don't really sit down in front of my blog page and write something which is more towards the bright side in my life. My blog is about my life, but all I've written made me feel like "Omg, this girl has a suckish life".

Blogging is like a friend of mine. I can express yourself freely, pour out my grievances when I need to be listened. I'm sorry my friend, for filling you up with all sorts of negative emotions =)

It's all about the rojak, rojak, rojak~

2011-05-12T20:52:00.000+08:00

Heidi最近一直抱怨我说我很奇怪，然后我总是跟她说我本来就是这样的。
嗯嗯，没错，我在逃避。我又开始把自己藏起来了。

最近脑袋里想的都是读书读书复习复习，可惜，我的胃容量不足于让我生吞一叠参考书。
四天后就是考试，我还在作垂死挣扎~减少了找朋友聊天的次数，我一有时间就拿书出来读。朋友们叫我陪她们去上体育，我婉拒了，结果被劝不要虐待自己，把自己逼疯了可不好。安啦，我知道自己的limitation -.-

赫赫，说来惭愧，从来没有像今年这么在乎自己的分数过。可能给上次的考试分数吓坏了吧？之前很多科目都跌，凭着这样的成绩上考场不是会被杀个片甲不留？我知道PMR不是一切，但是那8个A，不要白不要啊~~全A算是我的短期目标之一吧~

觉得自己最近真的变了，变得太乖（就是乖乖温习啦），变得情绪化。我想应该不是因为前阵子发生的事，也真的很不想承认我的情绪已经开始被操纵着。我以为我已经习惯了，可是偶尔想起来那酸酸的感觉还在。情绪是悬着的，我释放不出来。

那天以后，心情不好的时候打开书温习竟然成为我的习惯之一。不是对自己说无所谓了吗？为什么想起来还是会觉得很rojak... 我不知道原来的自己跑到哪里去了，现在真得越来越不像自己了。

或许我的世界少了你，会变得简单一些。你的若隐若现，真的我招架不住...每次说it's okay 的时候，有的时候自己其实不ok，我只是不想让你担心内疚。

这一篇不写英文，因为我不希望它被你看见。我不想要你再内疚下去，一直跟我说对不起。你的sorry好沉重，我承受不起...

I don't cry whenever I want anymore but whenever I can't stand

2011-05-11T20:41:00.002+08:00

You thought I'm still like last time, cry whenever I like?
Simple-minded. You just don't understand the real me.
Do you know what action can hurt my feeling?
Do you know what I have cried over?
Do you know what I dream of, what I am worry about?

When is the last time you asked me "are you okay"?

I exploded in front of you and you just scolded me after that.

If only I didn't feel so rojak before that, I don't mind to listen to you.
I'm sort of stress out and I only want to concentrate on my projects and my exam right now. And you blah about my future. Please stop, I told you, not only once. I will take action for that but not now.

Still blah some more.

Dang, I need to settle my mind, yet you complicate it even more. I reached my limit and I exploded, congratulations.

Haha, but who cares?

那就咬牙撑下去吧!

2011-05-05T19:54:00.005+08:00

偶尔会觉得，有些东西不应该开始的。我承认自己的确已经越轨了，是该回到正确的轨道上的。
回归正道了，怎么，安全感不在了？

是我多心了吗？还是距离真的远了？
被动的性子使然，你没说，我也沉默。现在想表达的一切再也不敢说出口了。想到这里都会无奈的一笑，自我慰藉一番。早该料到的，不是吗？其实自己什么都不是。

也罢，再怎么难过都还是得度过，这就是人生。
对自己说，加油。时间是最好的良药。

=)

2011-05-02T21:20:00.003+08:00

When I reply you with short text, there are more possibilities that I'm not in a good mood.
~~Eithermadordepressed~~

可以不要book我吗？

2011-04-18T19:14:00.004+08:00

到底是我错了还是他们错，我真的不知道...
我不是月亮，我不能只绕着一个人转，同样的，我不能只成为一个人的朋友。
老实说，我希望能够得到朋友们的谅解...
我知道，他们希望有一个朋友陪在他们身边，听他们哈拉谈心。可是，我不会分身啊,有求必应我真的办不到...

就这样我伤了一个朋友的心。

我以为有些事情我没说，别人也会明白；现在才知道我和别人的观念是天壤之别。
我以为，好朋友不需要天天黏在一起，还是能够惺惺相惜。
可是他们认为是好朋友就应该天天在一起。
身边的朋友一直要独占我，我不喜欢那种感觉。
就算是我最好的朋友，我也从来没有要把他们留在我身边的要求呀...

“Sharon 等一下我先book你啊，不然你又被xxx抢掉了。” 这样的话，每天每天，都会听到一次。至少。

如果可以，我真的希望我不是别人眼中的好朋友...

友情这种东西，我可以不要。但我一旦拥有了，我无法不重视它。
不让任何一方受伤，好难，真的好难。即使他们不是我最好的朋友，我也不希望伤害人家。

这样兜来转去，好累啊...

~I don't mind spending time with you but I still think I have the right of talking to others eh?~
I always think that it's not a must that two friends have to always be together, and well my opinion is opposite as the others.Shall I be grateful? Because I'm one of their good friends, or best friends, I do not know.
They always want to spend time with me. No harm, unless when I'm busy.

And this kind of dialogue is always heard:
"Sharon, I book you for later on ya, if not LiliLala is going to snatch you away again."

I don't understand, totally. I never treat my best friends like this, I don't mind to let them spending time with whoever they want. Jealous towards those who spend time with them? Hell no I never feel this way before!

Why is my opinion so different? By the way I've made a friend of mine heartbroken, I like got a bit pissed due to I was busy+someone else is talking to me and she kept on asking me to get along with her+this matter and well I ignored her, and not only her.

IamtiredandIfeelsorojaknow.
WhatshallIdotheydonotunderstandhowIfeel...

YongwanpeiImissyou...

刮痧

2011-04-17T13:50:00.003+08:00

早上起床的原因不是闹钟响了，是我的肚子疼了。跑了几趟厕所。
妈妈说我身体有疝气，“等一下让六姨给你刮痧。”
刮痧? 噢我的蓝天~
我很久没有刮痧了，印象中，我第一次刮痧的时候像海龟生蛋那样，一边刮，眼泪一边静静的流。
好像很痛... o.o
*紧张*

后来阿姨跟我刮痧的时候，才知道其实不会痛，只是觉得汤匙在背上刮来刮去的感觉很奇怪。
就刮痧的时候，我的表情很多就对了。

刮痧之后，我觉得整个人轻了许多，有一点飘飘的，感觉自己像水母~

~Gua Sha~
I wasn't awaken by the alarm clock today, but the hectic stomachache made me jumped down from the bed immediately. Then I had diarrhea again. Apuh~~ -.-
Mommy said I should be sent to my 6th aunt to scrap away the fever in my body.
OH-MY-G..SKY!
I can't remembered whether gua sha is painful, I can only recall when i had my first experienced of gua sha at the age of 6, my tears flew like tap water.
Looks painful eh...

Then I know, gua sha is not painful at all. It only the spoon scrapping on my back gives me a weird feeling. After all, I feel so light like a fur as if I'm able to float anytime:3

Aduh.. This is so not me -.-

2011-04-13T08:24:00.006+08:00

We are actually lying to ourselves, don't you think? We're not, yet what we do is almost the same. Now I really don't know how... I can't just leave like this. Because I've fallen for it, worse still, I can't get over all these.

I'm not always the strong one. I'm a girl, I can also be as fragile as a glass.
I've said that I am prepared for separating, but when I am alone and think about it, my tears are going to fall again. I told myself that I really have to control my feelings, so I hold it back.

I try so hard not to think about it but every time when someone mention about similar things, it pops out in my mind again.

I'm sorry to tell you this but honestly, I'm scared...